Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Body Image...

Ever since I can remember I've had the "ideal" image of what I could/should look like. I've thought about how awesome it would be to be able to wear anything and everything and look good. I got there once. I was a freshman in college, I barely ate, and I was at the gym for 2 hours almost every single day. I weighed 135 pounds at 5'9" tall. And guess what...I still thought I was fat.

I look back now and realize that although I had a flat belly and wore a size 6 that it wasn't healthy and it definitely was NOT maintainable.

I don't know why I can't just be happy with who I am or what I look like. I end up getting so frustrated at myself for hating what I see in the mirror that I beat myself up even more. It's a nasty cycle.

I don't like telling people that I struggle with body image. That I literally have a war inside my head ALL the time. There's the side of me that I allow most people to see. The side that is perfectly content with just being healthy and will be happy no matter what the scale says.  The other side is the one that ONLY cares about the scale.  That longs for when I weighed less and could easily drop 5 pounds and be back at 150 in no time.

I fight with myself. I'm not ready to face the fact that I may just be at 160 for the rest of my life. 160 is a healthy weight range for my height. I look pretty good since I've been toning up and losing inches, but 160?!? Really?!? I just can't wrap my mind around it. I SHOULD be able to lose if I do everything correctly, right?

It's so hard for me, it really is. Some days I feel awesome and proud of my body, other days I wish I could wear sweatpants and hoodies to work (it's probably better that I can't!).

Every day I work towards loving my body and loving who I am. I do what I can to be a healthy person, and I try to realize that and make that what matters.  It's a struggle to get that "perfect" image out of my head, because really...who could possibly be perfect?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Oops! I really meant to track...

So Memorial Day weekend happened...I didn't track...at all. I drank and ate, and I do believe I made good food choices. Of course that will really be determined at weigh in tomorrow...eep! The good news, I managed to work out on Sunday, and I got back on the wagon yesterday and tracked everything AND went to the gym.

That's what it's about right? Getting back on the wagon every time we stumble as soon as possible. I also did not beat myself up over it. It happens, LIFE happens.  We all go through days, weekends, sometimes (though hopefully not too often) weeks or months where we don't eat exactly like we should, or exercise as much as we'd like, or gain weight.  We have to be willing to forgive ourselves, get up, and start again.  It doesn't matter if it's the first time it's happened or the millionth, you MUST get up each time.

Yesterday was an awesome day. I pre-tracked everything first thing in the morning, I stuck to my menu, went to the gym, and then made an amazing dinner.  Below is the recipe for cheesy baked leeks, which was adapted from Jamie Oliver's "Food Revolution" cookbook.

Preheat Oven to 400 degrees

- Olive oil & 1/2T butter
- 1 large bunch of leeks (I peeled off one layer, cut the white part off, then peeled a few more layers and used some of the light green part, roughly diced)
- 2 garlic cloves, sliced
- leaves off 6 sprigs of fresh thyme (removed from stem)
- pinch of salt & pepper
- Just under 1/2c of Light Cream
- Just under 1/2c of Skim Milk
- 1 cup 50% reduced fat cheddar - split into 1/2c servings (I used Cabot)

1) Put olive oil & butter in pan with garlic. Saute over medium heat just until garlic starts to turn golden brown.
2) Add leeks, thyme, salt and pepper. Turn up heat a bit and saute for 10 minutes or until leeks are tender
3) Remove from heat.
4) Add light cream, milk, & 1/2c cheddar
5) Pour into earthenware pan so leeks are about an inch deep
6) Cover with 1/2c cheddar cheese
7) Bake until top is golden brown and bubbling

Seriously...this was so good. DF even LOVED it and said "you can definitely make that again". I paired it with an herb salad and "fried" chicken.  It was delish!

When trying to get out of a funk of not tracking, I like to try new, healthy recipes.  It really makes me feel like eating well can fit into any lifestyle. That just because I'm watching what I eat doesn't mean I have to eat bland or blah food.  It gives me a little kick back in the right direction.

So, if you struggled this last weekend...what are you doing to hop back on the wagon?